Loosing faith in the justice system?

I have taken a long break from my little blog post due to being occupied with university and life in general; at least I can be proud I was out there living it. “somewhat.”

A few months ago I made a really personal post about me finally going to the police about my abusive ex-boyfriend. This wasn’t an easy task. I was so emotional and afraid despite the fact the events took place nearly a year prior and so you can imagine how nervous I was about going through with it.

The whole process I went through with the police was constant and draining. After I went to the police station in the first instance, I was constantly getting phone calls from different police telling me where they had transferred my case, warning me it could go to court and so on… Which made me think they were taking my case seriously. I was actually going to do something about what I had suffered through. Or so I thought. 

The last conversation I had with a member of the police on my case was informative of the process that they would take to get my photos back. They told me they were bringing Dylan in for questioning because of his history and they would make sure he got rid of my photos. They told me they would be in touch when they had done this. But guess what…I never heard from them again.

My own town’s police had failed me.

It seems to be true what people say about domestic violence cases – the police ignore it. It’s their job to make you feel like they are concerned but in the end they still get paid and they focus on other things like drug addictions. Drug addictions are a person’s choice, it wasn’t my choice to be abused but they left me for people who drain our society by choice.

I waited and waited, holding onto hope that they had not forgotten about me. Didn’t put me on a back burner to emotionally suffer over the anxiety the whole scenario was causing; turns out they did. They did what I least expected them to do. I waited that long to hear from them I even forgot what my case number was. I felt like a burden to ring them after 2 months of waiting so I just left it and, in any case, it’s too late now.

Maybe it’s a sign I should just bury the past for what it was.


Day 1 of fasting 

It’s not too bad so far considering I haven’t done much all day but it’s mentally difficult. I’m literally daydreaming about the food I wish I could be eating right now, only because I mentally know I’m trying to diet. It’s like your brain literally turns against you but I need to keep telling myself,  its just for one day, you can eat what you want tomorrow. This is definately the biggest challenge, combating your own mind and body.

My body will keep feeling hungry because it’s so used to being stuffed with food whenever it cries to me like a little bitch. It’s like I’m a parent telling myself that I can’t eat this or that and its creepy but highly amusing with regards to coping with the problem. Another great way to overcome feeling abit lethargic and hungry is to drink loads of water and some black coffee or green tea. Through this I also got to know my toilet better, we definately should hang out more. However, my mind is still working against me and sending me pictures of all the great food I’m missing out on

But unlike any other diet its not going to last 1 months or 1 year of reducing my calorie intake! It’s  literally just one day. Now I know my mind is my worst enemy in this,  I always keep talking to myself saying it’s just for one day, you can eat tomorrow, its not going to last forever, its the easiest way to lose weight, you will see the benefits when you drop a Jean size. And its all true so I’m just soldiering on.

All I have done is drink water, black coffee and eat a whole cucumber on its own in the morning and most of the afternoon and then in the evening I had some tomato soup. It’s been like over 24 hours since I last had a proper meal. For dinner I had some low calorie supernoodles with 2 bread cobs and that is legit all I have eaten all day and I can tell my stomach already shrunk because I had to wait abit before I could even finish all the noodles.

I must say, I do feel a sense of accomplishment in getting through today. I’m just hoping I can stick to it and start seeing the results in the long run.



The bottom line a few months later is it was terrible and I have given up. That’s realism for you. Onto the wii fit now…

Potential weight loss journey… 

I went through a big operation just under six months ago and it was liposuction. I remember a lot of the other patients at the hospital where I was recovering looking at me with wonder when they found out I was only 18 at the time. Little did they know I had been battling a lot of grief caused by a condition called “lipodystrophy”. 

In simpler terms, my fat cells are all around one certain area of the body – for me it was my thighs. And no matter how much weight you lose, you will always be bigger in that one area of the body which makes you look out of proportion. And the only way to regulate the fat cells was through this surgery. Previously I had been bullied for my weight and ended up loosing a significant amount but I was still big and so this surgery was my last option to be in proportion.

The doctor took 3 litres of fat out of my thighs so you can imagine how big my problem was and this was the end result:a normal looking leg! That was all I wanted. And now, six months down the line, I’m ready to try and lose weight again. 

I have heard a lot of good things about this 5:2 diet, aka “the fast diet”, which was a BBC documentary by Michael Mosley about how fasting can benefit the human body. The doccumentary was called eat, fast and live longer. 

He went on a journey through different religions looking at how they fast and he ended up trying some of their diets out and found he was a lot healthier in doing this. It’s based on the premis that the body doesn’t need all the food it gets at this day in age where we all sit around snacking every 3 hours or even 2 (I do at least… ). Instead the body needs a break and it will help lower cholesterol and overall benefit health; more information available online. Basically, all you do is eat normally 5 days of the week and then for 2 days, on any day you want, you eat 500 calories. There are many meal ideas online for what to eat on the fasting days 

So you won’t actually starve or go too hungry, its just about reducing the size of the stomach, giving the body a break from a lot of food and regulating proportion sizes of meals. You can also read up on the benefits and other people’s personal journeys online. Apparently the first few weeks are a nightmare but it’s all about persistence and goals and I feel I definately have that this time. My auntie even did this diet and lost 5 stone in 2 years, maybe less and she now sticks to this as a lifestyle choice and not just a temporary diet; and now she only does it one day a week. 

Now I don’t believe in weighing scales so I don’t know how much I weigh exactly but I am a size 14 in jeans and sometimes even a 16😇:)😄depending on where I shop- which is disheartening to say the least. Yet I’m a size 10 on top!? My goal is to be in size 12 jeans then hopefully a size 10. But we will see how lucky I get…  I’m just hoping writing about my experiences will be beneficial for me. Considering I have next to no food in my accommodation I’ll start tomorrow. People can only wish me luck. 

Abusive relationships 

after a year of being scared and healing from my abusive ex boyfriend I decided to reach out to the police. The incident happened over a year ago but something was brought to my attention recently  which was highly disturbing. He still has all pictures of his ex girlfriends, not on his phone but backed up into his mum’s computer! One of his most recent ex’s who I am friends with informed my current boyfriend that my Ex, we will call my ex Dylan, still had photos of me of an explicit nature. Now this is obviously non consentual, he has no right to these photos any more and I know it is true he still has them because when I was his girlfriend he actually asked me if I wanted to see the archive of his other ex girlfriend pictures; he is an unstable man. I don’t know why he keeps all these pictures but I know I want mine gone. Another reason I got the police involved is because what he is doing is illegal as some of these pictures of his ex’s were taken when they were underage, I personally know one of his other ex girlfriends and she was merely 14 when they first got together and he was 21. His most recent girlfriend was actually 9 years younger than him and barely 16 years old, if that isn’t abit strange then I don’t know what is. So I’m not only doing this for my benefit I’m doing it for theirs. He was also an abusive person and has actually had the police involved in his relationships on several accounts but that isn’t my business to disclose as to why. So he clearly could use these photos against us or to cause harm to us any time he wants as long as they are in his possession and knowing his unstable and aggressive tendencies, I am in fear that he would.

He seems to also be a pathological liar as any time girls have come forward about what he was like when they were in a relationship with him, he always lied and made them out to be the ones that are unstable. He has the classic traits of an abuser, he twists and manipulated things.

When I went to the police I had told them about certain incidences like when he tried to stab my hand with a fork and strangled me ect…  and they seem pretty keen that he is a person they need to get a hold of. They only thing that scares me is if they take it to court because then it is made public and he still scares me; even though I say he doesn’t because I don’t want to let myself think that nor do I want to appear weak to my friends.

It has been a few days since I went to talk to the police about it and they said they would go to his house personally and inform him of what I have told them and to remove the photos. They will also advise him not to be abusive but I don’t know what else they can do. This experience makes me realise that I should have spoken out sooner or took photos of the marks he would leave on my body, I should have rung the police when he kicked me out the house or was aggressive and intimidating because then, just maybe, the abusive side of him would have been addressed sooner. I feel like I was weak back then, weaker than I should have been. However, I am proud of myself for finally going to the police and it was definately nerve wracking to say the least.

I am assuming the police will be in touch with me once they have spoken to Dylan but as the days go on I feel more and more on edge. My mind starts over thinking everything. Especially the idea of going to court but I guess that would only happen if he denied or refused to delete the photos. In that case I would want the police to get a search warrant for that computer because he is just such a liar. I’m not too sure how the system works on these things but I’m just hoping I get this one justice from him because I’ve never had it when it comes to Dylan; it’s the least I deserve.

I would encourage anyone to come out and speak to someone if ever they feel trapped or a victim in a relationship. Because from my experience, I really regret not reaching out sooner.


I know there are alot of crazy people out there that make up wild theories about different life forms that potentially fly around, look like Trump and steal your wife. But I am someone that does believe in aliens like wtf right? The fact that there is a vast universe out there that humanity isn’t even close to comprehending says to me we must be pretty ignorant to think we are the only soul species ever to exist aside from dogs, llamas and all the other majestic animals – yes llamas are bloody majestic, they are phenomenal. 

I’ve always been a fan of any type of conspiracy theory whether involves the government, illuminate, and aliens which is my favourite because, as messed up as it sounds, to me its just so interesting. Fuck what school has to teach us, let’s talk about mofoing aliens! I wish they were all small, squishy and cute but that probably isn’t going to be true because in this world your dreams get shot down and we are all pretty weird ourselves. 

Aside from aliens not being the squishy beings I hoped them to be as a child, it is so possible that they do exist. Now, I’ve stayed up many-a late night on YouTube watching radics spew insane bs but some things that are said are worth considering. Like, yeah, I believe in aliens but I’m not this person who actually believed wearing tinfoil on your head would stop alien mind control… probably another reason they haven’t visited us yet. 

YET, if aliens do prove themselves to be real at any point in time, who’s to say that they don’t have advanced technology or the level of mind power in order to control other things? I would actually pay to see it. 

Whenever I have thought of aliens as a kid, and definately growing up, I always applied what I knew about the world around me now but in a different way. Such as, humans exist on a planet in the universe and we are the most intelligent species on that planet but we lack knowledge on the wider universe. So when I think about aliens I just think, there are a species of something else inhabiting a different planet in a different space in the universe; maybe humans are actually considered the aliens to other life forms? Because after all, the definition of something ‘alien’ is just something that’s different and surprisingly a lot of people don’t know that definition, they just think an alien is something with a squishy head like I used to. So when you actually define the older term of ‘alien’ the idea of other life forms doesn’t seem so scary in my opinion. 

For me to blog about aliens and bring up the different things that have been looked into concerning them will take a lot of time. If people just think I’m mental then I guess that’s fair enough but I’m so keen on seeing how many people are actually interested in this stuff? So I’m just hoping this blog series on aliens would be worth it. I’m certainly not a scientist and I don’t claim to know anything mind-shattering about other life forms, its just pure speculation. And to be fair, I would rather talk about aliens than the Kardashians or other mind numbing things like it. So if anyone has any ideas, beliefs or theories then totally feel free to comment with what you have to say! 

Peace out 😂💀👽

Coming off social media part two

I’ve actively been off of the Facebook app for two days now and whilst it may not be a lot of time I have made small changes. 

  1. I’ve been more present with my friends 
  2. I have got more university work done 
  3. I’m getting more important things done in general e.g. all the “adult-self” stuff I touched upon in the last blog. 
  4. I’ve realised that I have better things to do, even if it is work concerning uni. 

However, I have had to keep using my messenger for contact reasons and so I do still have a Facebook account but I have not logged into it (admittedly one of my friends who knew I was doing this tagged me in a meme and I swear that’s the only time I have been on, literally for 10 seconds in two days so it is definitely progress. 

There is one thing I do miss about Facebook though and it’s all the MEMES. They are fantastic. They make me laugh, they bring light and comedy in dark times and I know some people can get offended by memes but, for real, to me its just abit of fun but maybe that’s just because I’m “privileged”or whatever people are raving about these days. 

Today I was actually talking to a good friend on my literature course and I mentioned how much I missed memes – even though it’s only been two days, I need to get a grip. And she said apparently there are some apps that are dedicated to memes and you can actually rate how good they are; naturally I went ahead and checked it out. The app is called “Memedroid” and its pretty sweet.

As you can see it has a lot of users and a pretty high rating based on the app’s quality, so if anyone doesn’t know how they would survive without memes then just download this app. There are alot on here that you wouldn’t even find on Facebook so that’s just another perk. That reminds me, in my opinion, funniest meme of the day is definately this one:

Considering I’m not using Facebook I didn’t know where else so share it, the irony. I guess that covers everything so far, more revelations will come to me the longer I’m not using Facebook, I’m sure so next time I’ll address actual issues. There actually were a number of comment on my last blog that gave me some good ideas on what I will say next, other things I haven’t touched on. Bouncing out in 3… 2… 1 

One more for the road, lol. 

Coming off social media??? 

I have seriously been considering about ending my Facebook life recently, literally months. As my 20th birthday approaches this year and my first year of university is a few short months away I have reached a pinnacle stage in my life where I am considering my adult-self. Which, to me, is where I need to start looking to the future more and seriously consider what I want for myself; and I’m sure many people my age are experiencing these weird revelations. Not only am I looking for my own place to live with my boyfriend currently, but I’m also thinking about a part time job and it was as these decisions creeped up on me that I decided I need to also make small changes. For example, I started actually cooking healthy food… basically what I’m trying to say is I feel myself turning into my mother and if you feel yourself turning into your parents then you are also on the path to thinking about your adult-self. One small change that came to mind was thinking about how I lived my life as a teenager up until this point like: staying in bed all day, avoiding responsibility, relying too much on other people, not thinking about my actions and wasting so much time on games and social media – especially Facebook. 

I’m not saying I can change all of those things but the social media one is the main little bugger that is gnawing at me. My boyfriend does often speak words of wisdom about these issues, wether he realises it or not,  and he thinks Facebook is the devil. At first I thought his statement was abit melodramatic but as I approached this with an open mind and looked at the bigger picture I feel like it is so true. I’m sure he will be glad to know that some things he says really do stay with me and this is one of them. In no way am I a religious nut but Facebook does share a lot of qualities with the devil it: sucks you in, makes you feel worthless, wastes your time, changes your views on yourself, ruins relationships and friendships, is a hot spot for negativity.  I could go on but who really has the time… 

So many people use it as a reason for stalking and snooping or they put themselves down because everything is rated on how many likes or friends you have. I feel like the Netflix series Black Mirror really addresses the issues on modern day technology so people should really watch it. It’s also a form of addiction 

It’s scary to even imagine how many years of our lives, when we are old,  will be wasted by things such as this. It’s also sad to think people spend some of their time sat at a table writing away negative things about people they don’t even know or commenting on viral videos about how someone looks? Despite the perks of Facebook I think that the cons are too serious. So I really do want to get rid of it to better myself and find a certain level of childish happiness, creativity and imagination that I left behind long ago. The hard part is deciding when to delete it. 

It’s easy to say we want to get rid of it, in fact I have read all over the internet a good percentage of Facebook users do. It’s also having a bad effect on my generations mental health, when I look around me I see so many people with issues. People you wouldn’t even think have issues. Which just goes to show it effects everyone. Suicide, depression, anxiety are all reportedly linked to social media 

Anyone can read more about the studies via  Google. Even if people can’t delete their social media if their job relies on it or whatever you can at least give yourself a break, for even a week, and cleanse your mind. But for those that can delete it and are conflicted, like myself, that’s when you can see the addiction come through. We have no real reason as to why we need Facebook, its still a recent invention and we survived without it for years. But there is apart of you that just won’t let go, why? Because we are totally addicted. I know addicts. Actual DRUG, addicts and I seriously see the same behaviour in myself with Facebook as I do these druggies when they haven’t had a fix. You always feel an urge to check notifications, paranoia if you don’t see how many likes you have on that pic you posted, high and exhilarated when likes and reactions show you how “loved and noticed” you are by everyone. We are literally just technology druggies.  

All in all, I think I really am going to give this experience a try because if I didn’t I would sound like a total hypocrite; and I would also carry on my mundane existence of living vicariously through other people on social media. Let’s give it a shot.